Those of you who know me know that I have suffered from depression for quite some time. I don't usually like to talk about it, especially in a forum where thousands (ok, a few) people may read it but I am hoping that this will help me in my recovery and hopefully get some positive feedback and hear some "success stories" that will help me understand that yes, I can recover from this.
I think that I have always suffered from depression in one form or another for most of my adult life. I remember during my later years in high school, my doctor put me on Zoloft. That was when all you had to do was tell someone you were sad sometimes and *POOF* they wrote you a script for a medicine that made you sleepy and feel like a zombie, but hey, you weren't depressed anymore....just slept 15 hours a day and woke with cotton mouth. It didn't take me long to stop taking that. Now, I take Cymbalta. I am not sure if it is helping or not. Like I keep telling those close to me, yes, the meds to help a little but they don't change my life situation...just make me look at it through foggier glasses. I saw a shrink for awhile, and I suppose that the conversation helped a bit (lonliness is a HUGE trigger for me) but he didn't really help me learn any coping skills or ways of dealing with my emotions.
So, I have decided that I am going to treat this "thing" my own way. Naturally. I found a GREAT website, ZenHabits, that makes SOOOO much sense to me. No drugs. No weird voodoo priest worshiping, just lessons on how to live your life better and easier. His first suggestion is to quit smoking. Now. I have been smoking for around 14 years. It has gotten me through alot. I am also asthmatic. Yes, I know. The two do not mix so please spare me the lectures. BUT, I am reasonable enough to know that smoking will kill me. My husband and I have talked about quitting since I got pregnant with my son and here I am, smoking while I type this. I think that I am in a good point in my life to quit. (I can NOT believe that I just said that...) I am looking at this whole zen thing as a fresh start. A SMOKE FREE start. I feel as though I need to accomplish something for myself...no one else. I think that quitting smoking is it. (Please pray for my husband while I am in the process of quitting...he is going to need all of the divine support he can muster). If anyone has any suggestions that may help in this process, please let me know BUT I refuse to take any meds to do it....they kill you too.
Well, enough of all that happy horse shit and on to something FUN to talk about...KNITTING!!!
I am working on a February Lady Sweater as a gift for someone.
I am not overly crazy about the yarn I chose to use, but it is all I had enough of as I am STILL on a husband-enforced yarn diet. No, dear, I am not mad, I'm just sayin.....
I am hoping to begin my Christmas knitting soon. In the process of looking for the perfect gifts for all of those whom I love enough to knit for.
In closing, I would just like to share a picture with you....
THIS is why I want to get better. Any ideas?