Monday, September 22, 2008

On a more serious note....

  • a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity
  • sad feelings of gloom and inadequacy

  • Those of you who know me know that I have suffered from depression for quite some time. I don't usually like to talk about it, especially in a forum where thousands (ok, a few) people may read it but I am hoping that this will help me in my recovery and hopefully get some positive feedback and hear some "success stories" that will help me understand that yes, I can recover from this.

    I think that I have always suffered from depression in one form or another for most of my adult life. I remember during my later years in high school, my doctor put me on Zoloft. That was when all you had to do was tell someone you were sad sometimes and *POOF* they wrote you a script for a medicine that made you sleepy and feel like a zombie, but hey, you weren't depressed anymore....just slept 15 hours a day and woke with cotton mouth. It didn't take me long to stop taking that. Now, I take Cymbalta. I am not sure if it is helping or not. Like I keep telling those close to me, yes, the meds to help a little but they don't change my life situation...just make me look at it through foggier glasses. I saw a shrink for awhile, and I suppose that the conversation helped a bit (lonliness is a HUGE trigger for me) but he didn't really help me learn any coping skills or ways of dealing with my emotions.

    So, I have decided that I am going to treat this "thing" my own way. Naturally. I found a GREAT website, ZenHabits, that makes SOOOO much sense to me. No drugs. No weird voodoo priest worshiping, just lessons on how to live your life better and easier. His first suggestion is to quit smoking. Now. I have been smoking for around 14 years. It has gotten me through alot. I am also asthmatic. Yes, I know. The two do not mix so please spare me the lectures. BUT, I am reasonable enough to know that smoking will kill me. My husband and I have talked about quitting since I got pregnant with my son and here I am, smoking while I type this. I think that I am in a good point in my life to quit. (I can NOT believe that I just said that...) I am looking at this whole zen thing as a fresh start. A SMOKE FREE start. I feel as though I need to accomplish something for one else. I think that quitting smoking is it. (Please pray for my husband while I am in the process of quitting...he is going to need all of the divine support he can muster). If anyone has any suggestions that may help in this process, please let me know BUT I refuse to take any meds to do it....they kill you too.

    Well, enough of all that happy horse shit and on to something FUN to talk about...KNITTING!!!
    I am working on a February Lady Sweater as a gift for someone.

    I am not overly crazy about the yarn I chose to use, but it is all I had enough of as I am STILL on a husband-enforced yarn diet. No, dear, I am not mad, I'm just sayin.....

    I am hoping to begin my Christmas knitting soon. In the process of looking for the perfect gifts for all of those whom I love enough to knit for.

    In closing, I would just like to share a picture with you....

    THIS is why I want to get better. Any ideas?


    Lupie said...

    Your children are beautiful.
    My thoughts are with you.

    Em said...

    Thank you so much. That means alot.

    Iron Needles said...

    Quitting smoking was one of the best things I ever did for me. (I smoked for 16 yrs) I tried many times before it finally took, before I could put them down and not look back. It's worth the effort. Good luck without it.

    (another lesser known skein from ravelry)

    Hissy Stitch said...

    There's a whole new science now on studying the psychology of happiness (as opposed to traditional psychology which is all about what's wrong with us). According to what I've been reading (and what I've experienced, since I've struggled with depression most of my life), the three most effective treatments for depression are the new drugs, cognitive therapy, and meditation or a combination of any or all. Cognitive therapy, if the person actively engages in it instead of waiting for the counselor to do it to them, can as effective as drugs, and unlike drugs, the effect continues after therapy leaves off so long as the person is willing to continue. Some folks benefit from a "kick-start" from drugs, and the cognitive therapy helps them change their thoughts and eventually get off of the drugs. Meditation teaches a person how not to constantly ruminate, which helps curb anxiety which is fed by rumination.

    A few books on positive psychology that might interest you:
    The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt
    The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsk

    Knitting Mummy said...

    Hi just popped over from Ravelry and the lesser known skeins group. Your kids are beautiful. I have a sister-in-law who suffers from depression and she would say that things like writing about you feelings here or in a journal of some sort definately helps. Knitting is also a great therapy.
    Good luck with quitting.